The Secret to 100 Followers…
Are YOU an aspiring writer… are YOU fed-up of the 9–5… are YOU looking for ultimate freedom, are YOU seeking that passion that will fuel your aspirations and drive your dreams… if so, welcome to my exclusive guide on how to achieve the magnificent milestone of 100 followers on Medium in just nine years! If you’re looking for groundbreaking success, well, you’ve come to the wrong place. But if you want a hilariously slow and lackadaisical journey, then buckle up!
Step 1: The Morning Routine
Like all great achievers, I swear by my morning routine. Wake up at 5 am, because why not? It gives you a sense of accomplishment just to roll out of bed before the sun has even thought about rising. Then, take a long leak because hydration is essential for any creative mind. Stretch a bit, and remember, that’s the most exercise you’ll get all day. Now, here’s the crucial part: go back to sleep. Dreams are where ideas are born, and it’s essential to nurture that unconscious creativity.
Step 2: Idea Generation
Now, you might be wondering where to find those brilliant ideas that captivate readers and bring in followers. Fear not! The best ideas only come when you’re drunk, so it’s pointless to write unless you’re under the influence. So, grab that bottle of whiskey and let the ideas flow like a river. After all, who needs clarity when you can have creativity, right?
p.s — never drink drink Gin for inspiration. Gin makes you angry and not getting inspired makes you even more angry.
Step 3: The Reading Dilemma
We all know that writing is directly proportional to how much you read. But let’s be real, who has time for that? In the last nine years, I’ve managed to read a whopping nine books! That’s an average of one book per year, making me an undisputed master of literary consumption. But hey, quality over quantity, right? Those nine books have changed my life in ways unimaginable.
Step 4: The Magic Hour
Ah, the magic hour! Between 4 am and 5 am, the universe aligns, and dopamine courses through your veins, birthing spectacular ideas. But wait! There’s another path to consider: deep, blissful sleep. While others chase ideas during this mystical hour, I chose to chase the sandman. Inspiration can wait; sleep is the true source of rejuvenation.
Step 5: The Holy Grail — Consistency
Now, if you think achieving greatness requires hard work, you’re only half right. Consistency is the key to unlock the door of mediocrity. I consistently followed the above steps, day in and day out, year after year, never deviating from my well-crafted formula for minimal effort.
So, there you have it, my satirical guide to reaching 100 followers on Medium in nine long years. Follow these, and you’ll surely make your mark in the world of unimpressive accomplishments. Remember, slow and steady wins the race — or in this case, gets you to the coveted 100 followers on Medium. Good luck, or not!